she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
