I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
