Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You ruined the universe
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
