if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
