Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
