She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize