I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
