I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
