the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
