So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
