please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
