Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
