people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize