During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
MIDGETS
????
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
