just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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