Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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