I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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