3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That's intense
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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