i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so let's talk penis.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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