Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My breasts were aching with rage.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He has the fingertips of a God
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