and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
