Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
