also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
if only i could text you this smell
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
