So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
