Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
