Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
