i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
