god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
