How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
