man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
