I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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