the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
