I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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