Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
