Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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