I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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