I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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