Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
