I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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