Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
