I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
