I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
