He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize