that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
