Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
