I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I intend to get homeless drunk
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
