i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
