marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
