I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
