Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
