I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
