I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize