apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
