I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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