peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
