Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
