We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
