in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
