I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
