i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
