Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
His hands were made for my vagina.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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