also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Operation Purity has been aborted
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
