I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
