I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
