It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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