just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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