I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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