Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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