I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
