drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
